My eye is finally healing. During the healing process, I had lots of time to think and write and ponder about having back to back injuries. I was just getting better with my hip. That was upsetting. No Yoga. Everything hurt. All I could think about is teacher training is starting in a few months and I am injured. How am I going to do this? X-rays showed nothing. Basically my psoas where tight, my hips constantly and unconsciously tilting forward. I did classes in Anusura yoga which helped immensely and just when I was starting to feel like my old self, I injured my eye.
I don't know about you, but when I get injuried, I go deep. What was I not seeing? Or didn't want to see? What is clouding my vision? or Unclear? What is it that I am not focusing on? When I had my hip injury, I focused on stability. The hips relate to stability. A mother balances her child on her hips. the hips also relate to anger. I had a lot of anger. I was "focusing" on a situation that I had no power over. I can't and don't use the phrase "Let Go". Letting Go is not easy. It's work and to me just sounds like something else I have to do. Pick up the laundry, buy milk, feed the cat, and, oh, Let Go. Please.
But what if being injured is not such a bad thing? For all the worrying I did over missing classes due to my hip, it actually was what I needed. A break. I came back to practice stronger and more flexible. What if my stability being shaken wasn't actually being shaken up from my own anxieties and from outside sources but rather because I was shaking up my life. I was shaking up the comfortability of my everyday life. I was embarking on Teacher Training. I took a year to mediate on it. I spoke with my family and they understood this was going to be my priority. So why all the anxiety? Filling out the application caused me anxiety. Waiting to hear if I was going to be accepted caused me anxiety. What if I get accepted and can't do this??? As I have gotten closer to teacher training, the less my hip hurts. It is going to be interesting to "see" if once I settle into training, if the pain subsides for good. What if I can't do this? But...What if I can? And that is what I chose to "focus" on... injured eye and all. <3
